


You're Not My First Love, But You're My Last

by GeorgiesLeftArm



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is going through some shit, But these two idiots don't see it, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Eddie Diaz, Literally everyone else knows how they feel about one another, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Season 4 episode 2, They both are oblivious to their love for one another, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgiesLeftArm/pseuds/GeorgiesLeftArm
Summary: Buck had never meant to distance himself so much from Eddie over the last few months but there were things he needed to figure out within himself before he even thought about bringing any of it up to him. Only Buck didn't realize just how much the distance that had grown between them was hurting Eddie. Buck only hoped he could somehow explain his absence without risking ruining their friendship.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 18
Kudos: 289





	You're Not My First Love, But You're My Last

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am out of my writing comfort zone OOP. I have literally never written anything for this fandom before but after watching the latest episode I had so many emotions and theories about what was going to happen so here we are I guess. It's short and kinda shitty but I figured why the hell not. Title comes from the Elvis Presley song 'As Long As I Have You'

“So, Buck. When are you going to tell us more about your mystery woman? Seems like you two have been going pretty steady these last few months.” Chim leaned on the table with a small, knowing, smirk, watching the way Buck got red in the face.

Buck snapped out of his thoughts at Chim’s words, heart racing in his chest as he struggled to find the words to say as he felt everyone turn their attention to him. He spared a quick glance over to Eddie, noticing the way he suddenly got quiet and looked as though he had disconnected from the conversation, almost like he didn’t want to hear what Buck was going to say about this ‘mystery woman’. “A true gentleman never kisses and tells, Chim.” He said casually as he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. That’s when the sudden loud scraping of a chair against the floor caught everyone’s attention, Buck frowning as he watched Eddie storm off without a word.

“Evan Buckley not one to kiss and tell? That’s new.” Chim pointed out with a raised eyebrow as he stared Buck down.

Buck wasn’t paying much attention to Chim’s words, too focused on watching Eddie leave the room, panic washing over him as he simply nodded. “I- uh..yeah guess..guess people change, Chim..” He whispered before quickly standing up, going after Eddie without a second thought. Buck was so focused on following him he missed the knowing stare coming from Bobby and the hushed chatter about him as he hurried down the stairs. “Eddie? Hey..wait up..”

Eddie ignored Buck but knew him better than most, he could guarantee the other was going to follow him until he said something. “What, Buck? My shift is over, I'm going home.” He deadpanned as he opened his locker, not looking over toward the other when he was suddenly by his side.

Buck frowned as he reached out to place a hand on Eddie’s arm, concern washing over him. “What’s going on with you lately? Did I do something wrong? I feel like you’ve been..I don’t know, man. Distant?”

Eddie huffed as he shook his head, not saying anything for a long moment, hand clasped tight around his locker door as he let out a breath. “Oh, _I’ve_ been distant? Funny, could say the same thing about you.” He mumbled bitterly before finally turning his attention to Buck. “Look, it’s stupid, Buck. I’m just overthinking it, don't worry about it. We are cool, man.” He mumbled as he slammed the locker door shut, moving to walk away, sighing as he felt Buck grab onto his hand to stop him from leaving.

“Bullshit. We tell eachother everything so quit the moping act and tell me what the hell is going on, Eddie.”

“Tell eachother everything?” Eddie repeated back as he let out a bitter laugh, looking at Buck incredulously. “Yeah, we did. Then this mystery woman enters your life and suddenly it’s like I hardly know you, hardly see you.”

Buck slowly let go of Eddie’s hand at his words, blinking a few times as he looked down at his hands. It was true, he had pulled away from Eddie. But that was because he was trying to figure out his feelings and emotions before he brought anything up. It wasn’t like that happened over night especially after spending so many years suppressing everything and not willing to let anyone in. Buck, at one point in time, saw no point in opening up to anyone. It usually only led to an inevitable heartbreak. Everyone left in the end. Except for Eddie. He had swooped into Buck’s life and turned his world upside down and that thought scared him. He was petrified of messing up and losing Eddie for good. Though, now that he thought about it, pushing him away probably wasn’t a great alternative. “I’m not seeing her if that’s what you are thinking, I know everyone else is.” Buck spoke slowly, looking back up at Eddie, heart racing in his chest.

“Buck..that’s not..” Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration as he searched for the right words to say. “I don’t care if you are seeing someone, hell. I’m happy that you are putting yourself back out there again. But damn, Christopher misses you..” Eddie missed him too but he wasn’t about to admit that, not now at least. “Keeps asking me why you stopped coming around as much, and I don’t know what to tell him anymore. I can’t keep promising him that you will come by eventually. It breaks his heart every time because he gets his hopes up that he is going to see ‘his Buck’ only for you to bail yet again.” Eddie knew maybe he was being a little harsh but it was true, he wasn’t the only one hurting from Buck’s sudden distance and he cared more for Christopher’s feelings than his own.

Buck felt his heart break in his chest, looking down at the ground for a moment. He didn’t know what to say, how to respond to that without telling Eddie everything. It wasn’t until he heard Eddie moving to walk away again did he finally blurt out a response, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “She’s my therapist.” Buck watched as Eddie stopped in his tracks at his words, swallowing around the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. “The woman I’ve been talking to..she’s my therapist, nothing more.”

Eddie turned around again to look at Buck, raising an eyebrow at him. That was the very last thing Eddie would have expected to hear come from Buck, the man who refused to get any help no matter how badly he needed it at times especially after everything he had been through. “Buck, that’s..that really is amazing, why would you hide that? You know everyone would be proud of you for seeking help. Especially me.” Eddie slowly took a few steps closer toward Buck, setting his bag down on the bench.

Buck felt his face grow hot as Eddie drew closer, quickly averting his gaze, wanting to look anywhere but toward the man in front of him. “I wasn’t ready to share it with anyone until I could..accept the help myself. And figure my own shit out before airing to the world.” He slowly looked at Eddie, fidgeting with his hands as he spoke his next few words. “And you were a big part of it, my therapist and I talk about you a lot.”

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion as Buck spoke, tilting his head to the side as he tried to process what he said. “Me?” He asked softly, slowly pointing to himself. “How was I a part of any of it?”

Buck couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped him, rubbing his back of his head as he moved to lean against the lockers. He shrugged as he let out a soft sigh. “Well, actually, you were the main reason I found a therapist. You’ve..been a huge positive part of my life these last few years, Eddie. In ways I don’t think you realize. You’ve been the only person I felt I could open up to until just recently. Which is why I became distant. I had to..figure my own things out, make sure what I was feeling was real and not just some spur of the moment decision. I tend to make a lot of those.” He looked at Eddie carefully, wondering if the other would be able to piece it together. When Eddie didn’t speak Buck continued further. “I’ve been struggling with my feelings and expressing them, how I truly feel. I had been hiding for so long it’s what I had grown used to, and I never really realized I was hiding even from myself until you came into my life. And the fact of the matter is..fuck I’m just going to come out and say it..” Buck took a deep, shaky, breath, shutting his eyes. “I’m gay.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot straight up practically to his hairline at Buck’s admission, blinking in shock as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. The room grew quiet for a long moment, Eddie’s heart pounding hard in his chest as he took a small step forward. “And I was the one that made you realize that?” He whispered, slowly reaching out to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder.

Buck jumped slightly at the sudden contact, opening his eyes to look at Eddie, staring into his eyes, searching for any kind of judgement or disgust. But he found nothing but..a warm gaze staring back at him, a small smile spreading across Eddie’s features which made him blush. Buck nodded slowly, unable to look away from Eddie. “That’s why I pulled away and put distance between us, because I found myself falling for you, my best friend. And I was so scared I would somehow mess it up if I ever told you. It was easy in the beginning to hide it, play it off as some schoolboy type of crush..but the longer I told myself that the harder it got. To lie to myself about my growing feelings toward you. And it became too much to handle so I figured maybe talking to someone that-” Buck gasped softly when his anxiety fueled rant was suddenly cut off by Eddie’s lips against his own, eyes fluttering shut as he slowly pressed into it.

“Christopher wasn’t the only one who missed you, Buck.” Eddie whispered against Buck’s lips when he pulled back, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek with a small, fond, smile. “You really are an idiot, you know that? I always assumed we had..something going on just underneath the surface in our own weird way, but left it unspoken. If anything I was waiting for you to make the first move.” Eddie admitted with a small laugh, moving to wrap his arms around Buck, pulling him close to his chest. “Guess I should have tried to shoot my shot before it made you pull away from me..” He whispered before leaning in to kiss Buck again just because now he knew he could.

Buck was smiling into the kiss as a few tears fell from his eyes. Yet again, for what felt like the millionth time, Buck found himself crying over Eddie. Only this time? They were tears of joy and happiness. He buried his face in Eddie’s chest, just wanting to be close to him in that moment.

“Besides, not like anything between us will be much different. Only now I can kiss you and hold you on movie nights, wake up next to you in the morning on the nights you stay over..” Eddie hummed as he rubbed Buck’s back gently. “Christopher is going to be so happy, hell he’s been asking how long until you move in. He already considers you to be like his second dad, Buck. That alone should have been enough for you to come talk to me about all of this..” But that didn’t matter anymore. That was all in the past and they had their whole future to look forward to as they figured out just exactly what this was between them. Only now Buck wasn’t alone in it, Eddie would be by his side every step of the way.

The two stayed there in their embrace just savoring the moment for the better half of a minute, not noticing Bobby’s quiet presence just in the doorway. Bobby simply smiled before silently leaving, heading back up to where everyone else was waiting for answers. “Well, Chim, looks like you owe Hen $20.” He laughed at the shocked expressions looking at him, pointing a finger at Chim when he moved quickly toward the stairs. “Don’t you dare go down there and pester them, let them be for today. Pester all you want tomorrow.” Bobby warned, moving into the kitchen. “When they are ready to tell us, they will.”

Buck slowly pulled away from Eddie, arms still securely wrapped around his middle as a small smirk crossed his face. “Why did you storm off earlier? I know damn well it wasn’t because I had become distant, you seemed fine until my apparent mystery girlfriend was brought up..” Buck slowly brought a hand up to rest on Eddie’s chest. “Seems to me someone was a little jealous.” He teased softly.

It was now Eddie’s turn to blush, huffing as he shook his head. “I wasn’t jealous. Just..didn’t like hearing about her all the time.” He shrugged as he leaned his forehead against Buck’s.

“Sounds like you were jealous.” Buck teased softly before brushing their lips together. “Don’t worry, I think it’s cute you would get like that over me. But, as long as you will have me, you will never have to worry about me being with anyone else. You’re the only person I want to be with. You’re not my first love but I hope to god you are my last, Eddie.”

The smile that spread across Eddie’s face was warm and inviting, tightening his grip around Buck for a moment before pulling away. He moved to grab his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before grabbing Buck’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Let’s go home.” Eddie whispered as he squeezed Buck’s hand.

“Home, I like that..” Their home. The words rang in Buck’s mind, making his heart skip a beat in his chest as they walked out of the firehouse hand in hand, not completely oblivious to everyone else peering down at them. In a way, both of them could feel the stares but neither of them felt like acknowledging it just yet. This moment was for them and them alone. “I love you, Eddie.” Buck whispered, uncertainty laced in his voice as he glanced at Eddie. Sure, maybe it was too soon or too fast for Buck to be saying those words to him, but he was sure of it. Had never been more sure of something in his entire life. After so long spent pining over Eddie and to know now he felt the same the whole time it opened a whole world of new possibilities for the pair, avenues Buck wanted to explore.

Eddie just smiled at Buck’s words, looking at him as he squeezed his hand again, thumb gently grazing across his knuckles as a way to reassure him. “I love you too, Buck.”

And in that moment Buck realized he was foolish all along for bottling everything up, because Eddie loved him all the same no matter what. He smiled, leaning into Eddie as they walked, his heart still racing in his chest. This was the start to something beautiful, and now they had a damn good story to tell Christopher when he got older.


End file.
